


I Wish

by violentincest



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide, Talk of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 10:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3975541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentincest/pseuds/violentincest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I can't really give a summary without giving the whole point/reveal of this story away. But I can say that it is based off of a 'horror story.' If mental health issues or talk of suicide is a trigger for you do not read this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish

**Author's Note:**

> So as I said I cannot really mention much of this story without giving it away.  
> I read, a couple of days ago a short story titled "I wish" on sixpences Tumblr. It's a horror blog that always lists different horror stories/experiences that people send in. This story is based off of that because it resonated with me for some reason. If you've read it then you have an idea of where this story is going to go. If you haven't please enjoy this version and I encourage you to check out her blog, and the original story on there.
> 
> Also, I normally do not write in first person. I actually hate writing in it, and hardly read stories written that way. BUT the original was written in first person so I decided to keep (most of the story) that way.
> 
> I do not have a BETA so unless you notice any HUGE problems please ignore.
> 
> Let me know how you liked the story in the comments. I'm curious as to how it will seem to people/ how it came out in the end.

Dean looked down, his stomach lurching a bit at how high up he was, but it still wasn’t enough to deter him. Rolling his head up to the sky, he took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. He lifted one foot off of the ledge, and was about to take the step, when a voice behind him stopped him.

“Don’t.”

Dean turned around to look at the man. He was wearing business clothes underneath a tan trench coat. His sparking blue eyes were wide, his hair a mess, and he was panting like he just ran up fifteen flights of stairs. Which, he might have.

“Don’t do it.” the man said again. “Whatever is going on, we can talk about it. Just…please. Take my hand.” he said, stepping forward, and reaching his hand through the window.

He looked at the man’s face, his hand and then back. Dean didn’t know why, but something about this man made him not want to jump anymore. The ledge would still be here tomorrow if he needed it, but now, now he needed to take his hand. Nodding Dean did just that. He grabbed the other’s hand, and the man helped him climb back in through the window.

 

**********************************************

That had been the darkest part of my life. I had never been good at connecting to people. I was afraid. I was afraid to get close because I knew that they would be taken away from me. Life had taught me that from an early age. When I was four and my brother a baby, our house caught on fire. I got my brother out, but my mother didn’t make it. After that my dad did his best to raise the two of us but there was always a hole there that no one but our mom could fill. He tried to fill this hole with alcohol. He did the best he could for us but in the end the alcohol won. One snowy night he ran out, and made a quick trip to the grocery store. Two hours later when he wasn't back yet I knew something had happened. Then when the police came knocking on my door I knew that Sammy and I were going to be alone in this world. My brother had no problem connecting to people. He’s going steady with this girl Jess, studying to be a hot-shot lawyer, and has a lot of friends. Me, I think life just taught me to not trust anyone because they’d all hurt you eventually.

So there I was, no family, hardly any friends, and a job that I hated so much it made getting up in the morning unbearable. I knew that I had to do something about it. So, in the middle of the work day I got up and left. My boss tried calling me, told me if I left to not come back, but I had no intention of doing so anyway. 

I started walking home aimlessly. It was during this fifteen minute walk that I realized I didn’t want to go home. My apartment was small and shitty. There was nothing there for me at all, and I had no where else to go. I turned my head to the sky, asking for a sign, for a clue of what I should do when realization hit. All around me were tall skyscrapers full of office buildings. I walked to the one around the corner, the one that was still under construction. They had finished the building a couple of months ago but they were still fixing up the inside. I walked into the first floor, and ran past the workmen sitting around a small worktable having their lunch. 

“Hey! You can’t be in here.” they yelled.  
I didn’t care and kept running until I hit the top floor. I could hear one of the guys following me, and I opened the window climbing out onto the ledge.

“He’s going to jump.” I heard someone shout.

I don’t know where Castiel came from but I’m glad he did. He saved me from doing something really stupid that day. He saved my life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Three years later and Castiel and I were still best friends. After he came barreling into my life it became so much better. I began to work at my Uncle Bobby’s Repair shop. He was getting older, and didn’t want to work alone all day everyday so he made me manager of his shop. It was the best job that I could ask for. I got to work on cars everyday and talk shop with all of the customers that came in, and it was there that I met Lisa.

Lisa’s car blew a flat when she was taking her son to his soccer game, and she had left her phone at home. She walked into the shop, holding her son’s hand, looking exhausted from walking in the summer heat.

“My car got a flat.” she said. “About a mile back. Can you help me?”

I agreed of course, grabbed a tire, and drove her and Ben back out to their car. One year later we were married. We bought a nice sized house close to my job. Lisa and Ben were better then any family I ever imagined having, and we were hoping that soon we would be able to give Ben a little brother or sister.

It was during my lunch break that I met Castiel for lunch at the diner a two minute drive from my shop.

“You know Cas. It’s been over a year since Lisa and I got married and the two of your still haven’t met.”

“Yeah.” Castiel said shrugging. “Bad timing I guess.”

“How about tomorrow night? Do you have any plans?”

“No but I don’t…think that’s such a good idea Dean.”

“Why not Cas? You’re a great guy. I’ve told her and Ben so much about you. They both really want to meet you.”

“I’m not…I’m not an easy guy to talk to. I suck at the whole social situations.”

“I do too Cas but there’s not way they’re not going to love you. Come on. For me?” I said giving him a smile.

Castiel sighed and then nodded. “Alright Dean. Anything for you.”

“Great. I’ll let Lisa know you’re coming for dinner tomorrow. My house around 6:30?”

“Sure. That sounds perfect Dean.”

Except it wasn’t perfect. 

Lisa was excited to finally meet Castiel so she planned to cook a big dinner. That night when the doorbell rang I excitedly jumped up and ran to get the door.

“Hey Cas! Come on in!” I said taking the other’s coat.

“Thank you for inviting me Dean.”

“Hey Lise, Castiel is here!”

“Be right there!” Lisa said. She came out a couple of seconds later rubbing her hands with a dish towel. “I’m sorry, I was just finishing up.”

“Castiel.” I said patting him on the shoulder. “This is Lisa, and Lisa this is Castiel.” I said smiling.

“Hello. It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for inviting me over. You have a very lovely home.”

Lisa looked at Castiel, her brows furrowed in confusion, and then at me surprised. “Uh…nice to meet you too. Come on in. Dinners almost finished. Let me just set the table.” she said heading back into the kitchen.

I led Castiel into the living room to sit while we waited for dinner to finish. When dinner was done Lisa called Ben from upstairs, who was finishing up his homework. We went into the kitchen and I noticed that the dinner was very awkward. Lisa and Ben hardly joined into our conversation, and they kept looking at me strangely. After dinner was done Castiel helped Lisa clear the table, and then I walked him out to his car.

“Hey. Thanks for coming over for dinner. I had a lot of fun. I don’t know why Lisa and Ben were so quiet though. They were both excited to meet you and are normally a lot more lively.”

Castiel looked at me sadly and gave me a small smile. “I wish you hadn’t done that Dean. I had a great time with you tonight but nothing is ever going to be the same again.”

“Huh?” I asked confused. “What do you mean Cas?”

Castiel shook his head. “Nothing Dean. You’ll see soon enough.” he said cryptically before getting in his car and driving off.

I watched the car until it turned off of my block and then went back inside.

“Need help with the dishes?” I asked. 

“No I just threw them into the dishwasher.”

“What was up with you tonight? Why were you so cold to Cas?”

Lisa gave me that strange look again. The one that she had been giving me all night. “Lets just go to bed Dean. I’m tired.”

“Alright.” I said with a frown, but followed her up to the bedroom anyway.

After that night things started to go down hill quickly for me. At work, things started to slow down a lot over the next few months. So much so that we had to let go the two workers that we had. Bobby and I ended up trading days. He would work one day, me the next and so on. I didn’t let that get to me though. As long as I was doing a job that I liked, it meant that life was still good. There was one strange thing though. Out of the corner of my eye I would sometimes see someone in a white coat staring at me, and it looked like they were jotting something down. It was never the same person. Sometimes it would be a guy, and the next time it would be a girl, but when I looked to meet them face to face they would disappear. 

At home things weren’t going so well either. My wife was talking to me less and less and every time I tried to play with Ben he would say that he was busy. It was when I was on the phone with Castiel that it was the worst. They would both look at me like I was crazy and then leave the room. For the rest of the night it would take a lot of effort on my part to get them to hang out with me.

Then one night, after dinner, I stopped to turn off the light before heading upstairs. Outside of my window I caught a glimpse of a man in a white jacket. Who the hell was he? Why were they following me? I had to protect my family, so I opened the door and ran outside. He was gone. I just saw him a moment ago, there was no way that he could disappear so fast. I checked around the perimeter of my house but there was no one there.

I locked the door, and went to the kitchen. I grabbed a knife to take with me just in case. When I got to my room I saw that Lisa was already asleep. It took me a while to fall asleep. I kept listening for any strange noises but none came. Finally I drifted off. When I awoke the next morning I had no clue where I was.

The room around me was completely different. The walls were white, the floors were white, my bed was white, everything was white. The only thing in the room was a bed. Where was I? Getting up I ran over to the door and began knocking on it screaming.

“Hey! Hey! Let me out!! Where am I?”

A lady, with long brown wavy haired pulled into a pony tail opened the door. She was one of the people I had been seeing at work! Had they gotten to me in the middle of the night? Where was I?

“Hey.” she said unlocking the door. “Relax. What’s gotten into you today?”

“Where the hell am I? Where’s my family?”

She paused. “You can see this? This room?”

“Of course I can. I’m not blind!”

She nodded. “Come with me Dean.”

I followed her and she led me to her office where I sat down. She then preceded to tell me that after I had almost killed myself I began going to see a psychiatrist two or three times a week. When we both realized that that wasn’t helping and I needed more attention, I was signed into this institution.

I asked what I had needed help with, as I couldn’t remember any of this. She told me that following my suicide attempt I started to have hallucinations. 

Castiel.

It was then that it all clicked in my head. It now made sense why Lisa and Ben had been looking at me weird before I checked myself into here. Castiel wasn’t real. I had made him up as a sort of coping mechanism.

I then asked her when I could be released. Meg told me that technically I had signed myself in voluntarily so I could leave whenever I wanted. She recommended letting them ween me off of the meds not knowing if I would have withdrawals or any symptoms. I agreed. I had been here for almost two years, what was a couple of more weeks. I wanted to make sure that I was perfect to return for my family. They had been patient enough to deal with me being in here for two years, for visiting me, and now it was my turn to make things right.

On the day of my release all of the doctors lined the hall towards the exit. They were all wishing me luck, and congratulations on my break through. I was tired but I was satisfied that I would make them all proud. 

Then, just as I got to the end of the hall a familiar face was holding the door open for me. There, with his trademark expression, was Castiel.

“I cut my trip short as soon as I heard that you were going to be released. I couldn’t miss my star patient’s release now could I? I bet you can’t wait to never have to talk to me again.” he said laughing at his own joke. 

I stiffled back a scream. No no no. I had been making progress these past two weeks as I came off my meds. I hadn’t seen Castiel once since then. I needed to get out of here. Once I left this place behind, he’d be gone too. I practically ran passed him and out of the hospital.

It would have been faster to take a taxi home, but after that encounter with Castiel I needed some fresh air. I finally arrived home, smiling as my house came in to view. It was just as I remembered it, and inside my wonderful family was waiting. I dashed up the driveway and threw open the door, but inside…inside there was nothing. There was no furniture, no family, no anything.

What was going on?

I collapsed onto the floor, holding my head in my hands, trying to calm my breathing.  
What the hell was happening?

I tried to think back. Had we moved? Did they not want me in their lives anymore? I don’t know how long it took, but during the time I spent racking my brain things became perfectly clear.

My family were the ones never to have existed. Castiel, while real, was nothing more then a doctor to me. I was once again jobless, and alone. If there was a message, a lesson to learn, it was that perspective and conformity are not all what they’re made out to be. Sometimes you need to live again the grain to get what you wanted out of life.

I pulled the small bag that they gave me before my departure out of my pocket. Inside was my phone, my wallet, and a key. I took the key out and realized it was the key to my apartment. It was taped to Dr. Castiel Novak’s business card. It said ‘Call me if you ever need to talk’. Resigning myself to my new fate, I went home.

Meg had told me that for the first couple of months I had to check in with them every Friday. Just to make sure that everything was going okay. They all thought that I was going to be just fine but it was their protocol. And for the first month I did just that. Then halfway through the second month I realized that I wasn’t okay. It wasn’t fair. My life was the same as before I went into the hospital. I didn’t want to live this way then and I didn’t want to live this way now. So, that night I ate my last bowl of cereal for dinner, sitting in front of the television, watching re-runs of Dr. Sexy. Once I finished my bowl, I got up and dropped it into the sink. I then left my apartment, not even bothering to lock the door behind me. I climbed up all the stairs and opened the door to the complex’s roof. Tonight, tonight I would fly among the stars. I walked over to the edge, and a calm smile stretched itself across my face. I was ready.

**********************************************

“Don’t.”

Dean turned around to look at Castiel. He looked just the same as he had the last time. In his business wear, panting like he was out of breath. 

“Meg said you didn’t call. I knew there was something wrong. I got here as fast as I could. Just in time I see.”

Dean let out a short chuckle. “Sorry Cas. There’s nothing that you could say that would change my mind this time.”

“Why are you doing this Dean?”

“Why? What do I have to live for?”

“Everything Dean. You have Sam.”

“Sam?” Dean said cutting Castiel off. “Yeah he would miss me but he got by fine these past two years without me.”

“You have the rest of your life ahead of you. You can get a good job, have a nice family.”  
“No Cas. I already had a nice family and they’re gone.”

“They weren’t real Dean.”

Dean’s eyes flashed and he stepped off of the ledge, walking over to Castiel. 

“That’s not the point Castiel.” he said, stabbing his finger in the other man’s chest. “The point was that I was happy. When you first stopped me from jumping off that ledge I was miserable. I had a job I hated, and I was alone. It may have all been a dream but I wasn’t alone, and I was happy. Who the hell are you to decide I needed to be fixed? What right did you have to take that away from me?”

“ I was trying to help you.”

“Yeah well look where it got me Cas. We’re both back where we started. You should have let me live in my dream world! I had a purpose. I was wanted there! I wanted to be there! I wish I had never even met you. I wish you would just leave me alone Cas.”

Castiel frowned. “You’re wanted here Dean.”

“Yeah Cas? By who? Because from the way I see it, besides Sam who the hell else visited me in that damn place? No body that’s who!”

“I want you Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You need to say that. You’re a Doctor. You’ll say anything to keep me from jumping.”

Castiel shook his head. “No Dean. You’re different. I…you…” Castiel stopped himself looking frustrated. He then grabbed Dean by the arm, pulled him too him, and crushed their lips together, kissing him hard. “I want you.” he whispered pulling away.

“Why?.” he asked looking at Castiel shocked. “You don’t even know me Cas.” Dean said, his voice barely audible.

“Oh, but I do Dean. You may think that you imagined all of our talks but you didn’t. They were all very very real. Sure, at first we tried to get to the root of your problems but then we began to talk about other things. Our likes, our interests. I became to know you not as a patient but as the kind, loving, generous man that you are. I began to think of us as friends.” He stepped closer, taking Dean’s face in his hands. “And I want you to have the life you deserve. The life you envisioned, but I want it to be real. I want to be part of that life. I want to give that to you. If…if you’ll let me try.” he said, stepping back a bit self-conscious now that his confession was done.

“I don’t know Cas. You…it’s all jumbled together in my head.”

Castiel nodded. “I know Dean. Just…just let me try to make it up to you. Give me some time. Don’t jump tonight. If I can’t make you better, if it’s really unbearable, next time I’ll let you go.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Just not tonight. Let us take this chance. Give me a shot.”

“Yeah Cas. Okay. One last chance.”

Castiel smiled up at Dean. “Good. You won’t regret it.” 

And with the way Castiel looked at him, Dean didn’t think that he would.


End file.
